Marriage is a business. It’s not about love.
PART 1: If we understand the history of marriage it would help us to solve a lot of problems nowadays
I used to say this sometimes and people would look at me in surprise. Some would agree but others may argue with me as the conservatism mindset is growing presently. The gender role in marriage has changed dramatically in the past. To fully understand this I will have to explain many different eras and cultures.
People have always been attracted to someone else. Whether this person is of the same or the opposite sex. It seems that "to fall in love" or "to be in love" is the only and ultimate reason for two people to be together or to be married. Originally this was never the case. Throughout history, marriage and the reason to be married changed. Morals, rituals, and man-made customs were mainly the reason for these very important changes and were connected with places and periods.
History curates the norm for social accepted behavior for many generations to come. All information that we have nowadays comes from the dominant elite's historical mindset. Because of this, only people of opposite sex could be married and were registered (documented) by law. The reason for this being the continuation of lineage.
Before I continue, please be advised that I will not discuss the morals, costums, and rituals as seen by western Christian culture. I wish only to inform some interesting facts about marriage and how this institution originated and became custom. I base my research on "Married: a stigma of the female destiny", by Doctor Maria Beatriz Nader, History Teacher on Federal University of Espírito Santo State, Brazil.
Lawful Children
In ancient times, the official reason to get married was to have children and thus securing your legacy. The Game of Thrones explains this whole issue quite eloquently: John Snow had no right to the Stark legacy because he was considered the bastard son of Eddard Stark.
The purpose of an official lineage was to keep a society stable. Consequently, it was a survival garanteed. From this the concept of the Clan (family unit) was created.
It is the natural accepted (lawful) way in which a society expanded. The central power (head of the Clan/family) diminished in a large Clan when someone else disputed the control of the head and wished to rule part of original Clan territory. This dispute of power and land tenure idea brought conflicts and society became unstable. Because of this, the concept of the Clan developed into patriarchalism: an elder man, a mandatorily male, used his power to have influence over many Clan leaders, which controled smaller territories.
The patriarch had total domain over the women as well. He would choose a suitable woman to be his wife and their children would have the right to to follow him as the leader. This was how society (and life) was kept stable. Thus, bases of the Monarchism system was created.
Marriage in Greece
The male was the centre of the Greek society. Again, in this era, the idea of an official lineage remained. A father had children to honor the homeland. To do this he had to choose a flawless vehicle (woman) to ensure the creation of flawless children. His worth and stature in society was determined by this.
Dr. Beatriz Nader quoted Jean Mafre, a scholar of the greek era:
We have courtesans for pleasure, concubines to look after our daily care, wives to give us legitimate children and to be faithful guardians of our house.
Everyone had a very clear role in Greek society. Love and fidelity were never part of the equasion.
Marriage in Rome
The concept of marriage changed during the Roman pre-Christian era. It became an agreement amongst families. The unity (marriage) between two children from different families were negotiated and agreed upon as a way to transmit rights, wealth and possessions.
This principle remained in the western culture until the recent past. If your grandparents were born before 1950’s, they will tell you many stories about arranged marriages.
Marriage gained a sacral status as dictated by Plato and Aristotle's philosophies in the third century B.C:
The wedding joins husband and wife in a consortium for life; It is the human communication with the divine.
Intercourse gained and almost holy degree of purity and started the idea of fidelity. The woman has both statuses: worth and disgust. This is relevant, because the woman is the same as "Ying & Yang". She is both serenity, purity, sophistication and dignity, carrier of the man's lineage but also appeals to his lustful and carnal desire for physical pleasure, thus equal to the prostitute he visits on the corner of the street.
The woman continues to be inferior to the man because she is but a well selected, agreed upon vehicle for his future generation and, as everybody knew, does not have the intellectual, mental or emotional capability to argue her status.
Royal marriage in Europe followed this school of thought. Families got married to each other to gain prestige, possessions, a way to guarantee peace and that was the main principle for a stable society.
Up to today we are getting married, but…
The Marriage Certificate brings with it the “business mindset”. Furthermore, the Christian thought process has been guiding the Western world concerning the infidelity question and forcing couples to stay together “until death do them part.”
Matheus Graciano said:
Marriage Certificate: the contract that rules the divorce.
If Graciano's understanding was widely known, it would have been possible to make adjustments and ensure justice.
People would be together because they just love each other. The person I choose is my limit, because of this I have to respect my partner. The way of this relatonship will realize is a private affair.
It would also be possible to adjust the union for people of the same sex. In 86 different countries there aren't any law for this kind of union, as Vitor Garcia de Oliveira said. The reason: the Marriage Certificate mindset is based on oficial lineage. This function should be removed. The core of the contract is protecting the physical assets of the couple and not the lineage.
In this modern era, the Western world lives in the "Post Romeo and Juliet Era." There aren't any business agreements amongst families to unify clan weath anymore. But we has not solved the problem for the person of the same sex yet.
In the end, the marriage certificate is not about the union of people.
It is about the divorce.
